This Sunday is Father’s Day in the UK, a day which up until Clem came along has never been on my radar. I have never sent a father’s day card or bought a present, not because I’m mean but because I’ve never actually met my father. I have absolutely no idea where he lives, or if I have any siblings. My parents broke up and got divorced when I was very young, according to my mum he was gone by the time I was 6 weeks old. I’ve seen pictures of my parents on their wedding day and that’s about it. So I do know what he looked like way back in the 80’s but if he was to walk past in the street today I probably wouldn’t even know it was him.
As far as I am aware I have never had any contact with him at all when I was younger. Although we did stay in contact with his parents and my aunt up until I was about 20. Then due to moving and things, we lost contact until when my grandfather passed away. My mum offered to send flowers but was told not to bother. I also wasn’t included in the list of grandchildren in the notices. I know there are two sides to every story but it was pretty obvious that my father never wanted me and that’s ok.
If I am totally honest it’s not something that has ever bothered me because he’s never been there. I’m sure it would have been a completely different story had he left when I was older and he had actually been around. I grew up with my mum and her parents, we were all very close. We all lived together until I was 16, when eventually my mum found a new partner and we moved in with him. I moved out when I was 19/20 and lived with Jesse and some friends.
“Father of mine
Tell me where have you been”
Father of Mine – Everclear
This post is obviously extremely personal and something which I have never talked about on the blog before. There were awkward moments when I was younger where other kids at school would ask what does your dad do, or where is your dad but I just said he wasn’t around. No-one really said anymore then. My mum has been fantastic, I definitely went through a difficult period as most teenagers do and caused her a lot of worry but that’s only natural. I wasn’t as bad as some people I knew!
There are obviously moments where having a dad would have been great but mums can do everything a dad can. Someone once asked what would happen if I ever got married, who would give me away. Honestly it’s not something I’ve ever thought about because I don’t plan on getting married, and if we did ever get married it probably wouldn’t be a big fancy one, so it wouldn’t matter. I’m not exactly someone who likes tradition. My wedding if it ever happened is more likely to be in Vegas than a church!
Jesse is an amazing dad to Clem. She absolutely adores him, I love listening to her laugh and play with him during her bath time. He gives her a bath every night after dinner, as he is at work all day so doesn’t spend much time with her during the week. The weekends are different, we do things as a family even if it’s just a walk in the park. She loves chasing him around the playground.
Clems first word was Dada, I am still yet to get a mama, apparently she has said it just not when I’m around. I also get called Dada, although I have noticed she says them slightly differently so I can tell when she wants me. This will be Jesses second Fathers Day and although he says it’s not important I want to make it special for him. I guess I’m making up for lost time, now I finally get to buy the cards and presents although it’s obviously from Clem and not me!
You have such a positive outlook on this – I don’t know if I would be so generous as to give any benefit of the doubt / allow that there are two sides! Your mum and her parents sound awesome though.
My daughter said ‘daddy’ first too, but if you ask her to point ‘daddy’ out she points to me. I’m not sure I like the idea that I’m so interchangeable with a bearded bloke… 😀 #marvmondays
Like Jess says you have such a positive outlook and a brillaintly written personal post. As for the comment you received ‘who would give you away’ I hoped that you put them in their place and explained that the giving away is just a load patriarchal rubbish and you don’t need anyone to give you away!!! Grr will stop now before I launch into more of a rant 🙂
Thankyou for sharing, it’s wonderful that Clem has such an amazing Dad and you now get to experience that through her. My OH’s Dad was around but never much of a Father figure so I’m always inspired more to see him be the complete opposite and to be such a good Dad. Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Kaye xo
Thank you for sharing something so personal. It’s lovely to hear that you had a great upbringing despite your father’s absence; respect to your mum and her family. Also lovely to hear that you get to experience father’s day and a positive father-daughter relationship through Clem xx #MarvMondays
Thank you for sharing such a personal post – your mum sounds like an amazing woman and so brilliant that you had such a great childhood! And how wonderful that Clem has a brilliant father 🙂 xx #triballove