Things I’ve done as a parent

Before I became a parent I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Obviously I knew about things like nappy changing, not getting a lot of sleep, having a messy house but some of these I had no idea about! So here is a list of just some of the things I’ve done since becoming a parent.

• Sniffed a nappy/bum for poo.
• Been covered in sick/poo/wee/snot/food. Clem once projectile vomited a whole milk feed over me. It went all over my face and was even dripping off of my glasses. Not nice! Most of my clothes have stains on them from something being thrown at me.
• Checked a nappy for poo after the sniff test failed ending up with poo on my fingers because it had escaped out the sides of the nappy. Gross!
• Picked Clems nose with my little finger nail to get out stubborn bogeys. Yep no-one ever said parenting was glamorous.
• Bought one of these to help Clem breathe a lot easier when she had a cold. It worked but it’s disgusting!
• Wiped snot on my sleeve when I couldn’t reach a tissue in time. It was either that or Clems face ended up covered in it and for some reason I thought my clothes would be better. Mum brain..it definitely doesn’t work how it used to.
• Gone out and despite wearing two tops, a bra and breast pads still managed to get leaky boob patches. If you are breastfeeding always take a spare top or two with you. Also boots do these amazing washable breast pads that are way better than the disposable ones.
• Eaten baby food. Some of those Ella pouches are really yummy, and Organix do some yummy snacks.
• Hidden food that Clem has spat out on my plate/in a tissue or worse I’ve accidentally eaten it. Clem likes to spit out food and put it on my plate. If I don’t notice then I’m fairly sure I’ve eaten it.
• Found myself rocking back and forth as I stand in a queue in the shop. Not because I’m crazy but because I rocked Clem to sleep for a while, and it just became a habit. I sometimes push the trolley back and forth thinking it’s the buggy.
• Stealth ninja-d out of the bedroom, only to get two steps outside of the room before Clem wakes up for the fourth time that night. Until we had Clem I had no idea just how squeaky our floorboards are.
• Hidden in the kitchen/bathroom to eat something that Clem shouldn’t have but really wants. This is usually chocolate or something equally bad.
• Found myself watching Cbeebies when Clem is napping, apart from Mr Tumble I could probably watch it all day.
• Sing loudly/dance weirdly in public just to entertain Clem.
• Got stuck in the ball pool at soft play trying to rescue her when she got stuck.

I’m sure there are more things I’ve done. I hope I’m not alone in these, please tell me I’m not!